Outstanding article in the New York Times: “To Stop Violence, Start at Home”

The Opinion Page of today’s NY Times has an excellent article by Pamela Shifman and Salameshah Tillet.  Including specific examples and statistics they point out that “men who are eventually arrested for violent acts often began with attacks against their girl friend and wives.”

Among the studies they cite is one done in Washington State that “suggests a felony domestic violence conviction is the single greatest predictor of future violent crime among men.”

Boys who grow up in homes with abuse and violence are 4 times more likely to become domestic violent abusers.

They recommend intervening early which not only makes it safer for women and children but also can prevent later crimes outside of the house.

Included is reference to a study by Mala Htun and S. Laurel Weldon published in 2012 in a Political Science Journal.  They looked at 70 countries over 4 decades and found that the most effective way to reduce violence against women was “the mobilization of strong, independent feminist movements.”

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“Domestic Violence has devastating effects on your children…It changes them for life.”

(This blog is written by Regina Ress, board member of Healing Voices-Personal Stories.)

The Crisis Center of Northern New Mexico has  released a short video to assist families in understanding the effects of domestic violence on the most vulnerable members of the family, the children. The film, which can be viewed in English or in Spanish,  is entitled Through Their Eyes.

This short film focuses on one family, the parents and, in particular, their two adolescent children.  There are flashbacks to when the parents were teens, suggesting a pattern of learned behavior. The film also shows teen and date bullying in the flashbacks.  It is through the eyes of the two children that we see the smashed living room…the mirrors, the windows, many of the objects…all of which stand for the broken family.

The film ends with the father, who had rampaged through the house, asking…yet again…for forgiveness. When the mother and the two children stand their ground, he finally asks for help. “I can’t do this alone,” he says. When his wife tells him that they need to get help he says, “I’ll do whatever it takes.” The narrator then describes the effects of domestic violence on children, and describes some of the help available to families.  Later, these suggestions are visually displayed on the screen.

This film is a short, clear picture of  what so many families and children go through because of domestic violence. It can be used within families as well as in schools and other institutions to spark discussion and to suggest how important it is to get help and where to do so. The film can also open a discussion of bullying in general, inappropriate language and actions in relationships, and the fact that many people are  caught in this kind of situation. Most important, it states that help is available.

The Crisis Center of Northern New Mexico offers a wide range of services, free of charge, to families and individuals in crisis.  There is a shelter, individual and group therapy, legal advocacy and anti-bullying programs for schools. There is  help available 24/7 and all of the services are free.

The message of this film is positive.  “You can break the cycle of violence and prevent it from destroying your child’s life.”      It is an important message, for many children and families see no way out. There is one. There are organizations available to help, and The Crisis Center of Northern New Mexico is one.

Regina Ress is a storyteller, actor, educator, author.  Board Member Healing Voices-Personal Stories; adjunct faculty, New York University and Santa Fe University of Art and Design. Regina believes that “Storytelling connects us to each other and to the deepest parts of ourselves.” Visit her website and Facebook page.

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“BEST”: Jessica’s Story is A Winner!

(This blog is written by Regina Ress, board member of Healing Voices-Personal Stories.)

Healing Voices-Personal Stories latest film, Jessica’s Story, was selected for the Golden Door International Film Festival held in Jersey City, NJ this past month. The focus of the film is patterns of domestic violence across the gender spectrum, and for this festival, the film was shown in the LGBT category. We are pleased to announce that Jessica’s Story won  BEST film in that category.

Healing Voices founder and co-director of the film JoAnne Tucker, board member and associate director, Regina Ress, and Murray Tucker, Healing Voices supporter were delighted to be able to attend the festival. The Kick Off Party and Gala Opening  and Closing were held at the gorgeous Loew’s Landmark Jersey, a 1929 movie palace  that has been restored to its original gold and crystal grandeur and which now is a nonprofit arts and entertainment center. One of the festival’s main sponsor’s, the designer Tommy Hilfiger, hosted the opening, a well attended and lively party under the huge chandelier in the theatre’s main lobby. There was the requisite “red carpet” entry, lots of photo ops, and a joyous feeling of being part of the shared dream of making fine films. It was a great opportunity for networking and for learning what other independent film makers are working on.

10614121_748295568562744_1369152656822450509_nA number of excellent films were viewed… particularly the two opening night: “Six Letter Word,” a 23 minute short, and  a feature, “The Odd Way Home.” Both starred Rumor Willis and dealt with Autism.  (Another of the festival’s main supporters was the organization Autism Speaks.) Another highlight was the feature “Tiger Lily Road” a sweet film directed by Michael Medeiros. Along with films to watch, there were several “Lunch and Learn” sessions where topics about the business of film making were discussed.

Jersey City is directly across the Hudson River from NYC and its film industry. The festival was presented in a dozen different venues around Jersey City-some theatres, some restaurants with screening space. The stated mission of the Golden Door Festival is in line with its title, taken from the poem by Emma Lazarus on the Statue of Liberty, which sits close by in NY harbor: to present a wide variety of films and honor those involved with the creation of them. To help open the “golden door” of opportunity in the film industry.  Healing Voices is so proud to have been a part of this wonderful film festival. Many thanks to the Golden Door International Film Festival for including us. And many thanks to all who helped created our award winning film, Jessica’s Story. 

Regina Ress is a storyteller, actor, educator, author.  Board Member Healing Voices-Personal Stories; adjunct faculty, New York University and Santa Fe University of Art and Design. Regina believes that “Storytelling connects us to each other and to the deepest parts of ourselves.” Visit her website and Facebook page.

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Living “in Courage”: “Cheyanne’s Story” honored to be in the BolderLife Festival

(This blog is written by Regina Ress, board member of Healing Voices-Personal Stories.)
BLF 2014 official Selection WHITE-2Healing Voices-Personal Stories’ film Cheyanne’s Story has been selected for the Bolder Life Festival this October! The story of a courageous high school girl who found herself in an abusive relationship and who not only managed to get help and extricate herself from it, but who, while still in school, became an advocate for domestic & teen violence awareness is a perfect fit for BolderLife.

“To live in Courage” What jumped out to me from BolderLife’s statements about its mission on its website  is its advocacy of living a lifein courage.” Indeed, the title of this 501 (c)  (3) organization, BolderLife, implies a life lived with confidence, strength, clarity and risk. The word “courage” means to have “heart.” To live a life with heart and strength. And Cheyanne, the young woman in our film, is a wonderful model for young people in how to find that strength and confidence while maintaining heart. The frightened high school girl emerges as a courageous young woman.

How do we encourage our young people….and, indeed, all of us, to live “in courage” as opposed to fear. BolderLife seeks to bring the message of courage to counteract the many messages in our popular media of fear and shame. Through its festival and other outreach programs, BolderLife uses the arts as a vehicle for exploring life, fostering social and emotional education, and inspiring change. It hosts local high schools and middle schools for a day of films and conversation. It “introduces difficult and taboo topics through a variety of arts and “deepens the conversation with professional speakers and workshops that help audiences explore discomfort, cultivate mindfulness” and..yes, “to live in courage.”

We at Healing Voices-Personal Stories are so honored that Cheyanne’s Story will be part of this fine festival with its focus on both art and education. And in particular, we are delighted that the festival’s focus this year is on domestic violence. 50% of the programming proceeds will be donated to SafeHouse Denver, a non-profit organization which serves victims of domestic violence through both an emergency shelter and non-residential Counseling and Advocacy Center.

The BolderLife Festival will be held at the Holiday Event Center, 2644 W. 32nd Avenue, in Denver the week of October, 13th-19th. Check out this impressive organization’s website.

DVD’s of “Cheyanne’s Story”

We are pleased that DVD’s of this film are available free of charge for shelters and organizations to help education and provide an example of a domestic violence survivor. Included on the Cheyanne’s Story DVD is “A Teacher’s Story” in which Cheyanne’s teacher talks about having her as a student and about Cheyanne’s class project about domestic violence.  If you would like to receive a copy  please email healingvoices.personalstories@yahoo.com.  You can also go to the Healing Voices website and stream both “Cheyanne’s Story” and “Peggy’s Story”.  User Guides are  available on line.

Regina Ress is a storyteller, actor, educator, author.  Board Member Healing Voices-Personal Stories; adjunct faculty, New York University and Santa Fe University of Art and Design. Regina believes that “Storytelling connects us to each other and to the deepest parts of ourselves.” Visit her website and Facebook page.


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The Burning Bed: Thirty Years Later

Our third subject, Jessica, whose film will be completed in the spring, speaks about this movie and the impact it had on her. Thank you guest blogger, Danielle Kuffler, for writing this review of the film.

The Burning Bed, a NBC TV film directed by Robert Greenwald, opens in the small town of Dansville, Michigan on March 9, 1977. Francine Hughes, played by Farah Fawcett, tells her three young children to wait in the car as she sets fire to the home where her husband, Mickey, is sleeping. Mickey burns with the house, and Francine turns herself in for murder.

The rest of the film portrays, in flashbacks told by Francine to her lawyer, the 14 years of brutal abuse she suffered at the hands of her husband. Concluding with her trial where she is found not guilty by reason of temporary insanity, the film reveals the many-faceted horrors of domestic abuse and the tragic outcome that seems inevitable in the face of a lifetime of violence.

Thirty years later, the film is still powerful in its careful depiction of the nuances of abuse. Francine’s story is not only horrifying, but it’s also frustrating. The tale is a slow build to the dramatic climax – she divorces Mickey early on in the film, but just can’t seem to get away. She takes the kids and moves into her own house, but later rents a place next door to Mickey to nurse him after he injures himself. She attempts to have him arrested, but the authorities don’t do much to help her. Without money or prospects, she is trapped in a cycle of violence: Mickey abuses her, he apologizes, his family and Francine’s mother encourage her to forgive him and fulfill her duties as his wife, she resists but gives in, he abuses her, and so on, until she is finally driven to destroy him.

Francine first meets Mickey at a party in 1963. They are classic stereotypes of young lovers: she is sweet, beautiful and innocent, while he is “really wild,” the restless rebel.

She approaches him, refuses a cigarette but tells him she’s “not afraid of anything,” and soon enough they are slow dancing and making plans for a second date.

Mickey psychologically forces Francine into sex before marriage, telling her she will “destroy” him if she won’t give in. After marriage he drifts from job to job and becomes a heavy drinker, never taking on the traditional male role of provider and patriarch. He lashes out against impotence at the one thing he can control: his relationship with Francine. He objectifies and beats her whenever he is down. After every outburst, he slinks back to her, seeking her forgiveness and love to mend his delicate ego.

Guilty over losing her virginity and pressured by the women around her, Francine forces herself into marriage and motherhood. Her independence and identity are constantly under threat, and her ultimate triumph over Mickey is fraught with guilt. Before her trial, she tells her lawyer: “I loved him. I did.”  Francine reacted to an extreme situation with an extreme action, but it seems she will never escape the psychological damage.

In 1984, Francine’s story offered a perspective rarely heard, and The Burning Bed sparked national attention to the plight of domestic violence victims everywhere. The opening line of the film speaks to the destruction of identity that is the result of abuse:  “I felt like I was watching myself.” Today, the film is a reminder of how far we have come in recognizing and taking action against domestic violence, and how far we still have to go when it comes to equality and rights for all.

Danielle Kuffler, an Arizona native recently transplanted to Southern California, is a reader, writer and researcher with concerns about women’s rights.

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News App Provides Help, Discreetly for Domestic Violence Victims

A Guest Post by Danielle Kuffler, an Arizona native recently transplanted to Southern California, is a reader, writer and researcher with concerns about women’s rights.
           ASPIRE News, an app released in November by the When Georgia Smiled: Robin DeGraw Foundation offers a resource to those seeking help with domestic violence. At first glance, the app looks like a regular news source, but the Help section contains information and aid for those in abusive relationships. 
          From Jezebel, an online women’s interest publication:
[…] This is a brilliant idea because it puts information right at the fingertips of the people who need it most. Its creators — one of whom is Robin McGraw, Dr. Phil’s wife — took snooping into account by disguising it as a news service which will misdirect an abusive partner, or a friend who is just flicking through the phone.
          There is also a “go” button in the help section that alerts local authorities and chosen contacts that the user is in trouble. While it’s no substitute for emergency services, the app is an empowering tool for anyone in a potentially violent situation.
          The app is free and available for iPhone and Android. 
          Via Jezebel.
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Peggy Luplow presents Programs in North Eastern New Mexico

peggy 4_edited-1The subject of our first film, “Peggy’s Story” spoke in Clayton and Raton, New Mexico during October, presenting her own video of leaving a 15 year abuse marriage to rebuild her life and our second film on teen and date violence “Cheyanne’s Story“.  These communities  observe Domestic Violence Awareness Month each year with a moving  Candlelight Vigil complete with the help of: local school’s cheerleaders and glee clubs; monetary award presentations by the Kiwanis; the Professional Women’s Association; local law enforcement; and proclamations by their respective Mayor’s Office.  Peggy was presented with a t-shirt commemorating the recent “Knock-Out” fundraiser.  Peggy’s attendance at events of this nature serve to enhance the video’s message as she answers  questions following her presentation as well as discussing domestic violence issues.

On this occasion, Peggy spoke of the amazing similarities between “Cheyanne’s Story” and her own, remarking that although their situations of abuse occurred over 30 years apart, in two completely different cultures with close to 1,000 miles separating them – the guilt, struggles, fear and hope expressed were the same.  The high attendance and participation by the community representing all ages was so impressive and reaffirmed the fact that we all long for the right to live in our own homes without fear.  Audiences in both towns responded without hesitation when Peggy asked them if they agreed that this right should be a basic human right. The video showing was so well received and highly valued that a prominent teacher, attending from a nearby town, immediately requested that they be presented to his entire student body.  Plans are already underway to make Peggy and Cheyanne’s Stories available.

If you would like to arrange for Peggy to speak at your community event please contact us.

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